Note: This blog is portions of a blog I wrote in 2014. It’s interesting to look back at my thoughts on grief and pain. My beliefs haven’t changed! But I sure do miss having Amy here to share the journey with.
I have a soft spot for girly movies. OK, you’re right, I am a girl! And while I also do love a movie that makes me laugh out loud, every once in a while I like to snuggle up with some tissues and a good tear-jerker!
Surprisingly, Saving Mr. Banks, Disney’s movie about the production of the movie Mary Poppins, turned out to be one of these tear-jerker’s for me. My motivation to watch the movie was my interest in learning more about Walt Disney himself, and I wasn’t expecting to become emotionally involved.
P.L. Travers is the author of Mary Poppins. As Walt Disney attempts to gain the movie rights to the book, you learn of the heart-wrenching loss and trauma Travers experienced as a child. Her father is a fun-loving alcoholic who has a hard time dealing with the real world, and eventually, he dies. This sends Travers’ mother, who already suffered from depression, into a suicidal state. Along the way, Travers’ saves her mother from a suicide attempt.
These experiences resonated with me personally. As a child I experienced the fall-out of my parents’ relationship, resulting in separation and divorce. Then my mom died of pancreatic cancer when I was 13. The similar portrayal of a parent suffering and the experience for the child brought back so many memories.
As an adult, I often reflect back on the grief and pain, and how its impact on my life has changed over the years. I find great comfort in my only sibling, my sister, as my companion in grief. Even though we are only 3 years apart in age, our memories and experiences are so different! I also feel a strong bond with other women who lost their moms at a young age. The loss of a loved one results in a myriad of other emotions tied to the loss – regret, guilt, anger, fear, sadness. They create a sense of loneliness that can only be shared and understood by others who have experienced the same pain.
How your family chooses to grieve loss depends on individual personalities and your family’s culture. Being open, honest, and vulnerable about your feelings can help alleviate the loneliness experienced during these times. Being with others who have experienced the same kind of feelings can also help. They can provide a safe environment for sharing, learning, and growing.
As Mary Poppins says, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”, but you may need more than that. Please send me an email if there is a way I can be your grief advocate, offering support on your grief journey. You are not alone!