Note: These thoughts were written in June. I waited to publish, as I wanted to receive permission from the family to share my thoughts. Permission was received.
It’s June of 2021. My son is graduating from high school next week. He’s the baby. I am definitely feeling all of the “feels” that come along with the beginning of the end.
My son played lacrosse all 4 years of high school. Well, not for one year, as there was no season in 2020 due to COVID. The Friday before the week of their first scrimmage, our state and schools were shut down.
So senior year season was special. A season! YAY! He was chosen as one of the captains by his peers. They had a lot of emotion going into the season as one of his closest friends and fellow lacrosse player had lost his dad in 2020. There was a game on the night of the 1-year anniversary of his death, and a game against the team that their former varsity coach was now coaching. They had 2 BIG wins!
The team was more like a family. Our son spent much of his free time with his teammates. There were COVID exposures that caused players to miss time on the field, and the team flexed and played on. They made it to the playoffs. The season ended after the first round of playoffs, but they had a great season together.
Four days after the final playoff game, we received the heartbreaking news that the varsity head coach had died. It was unbelievable, and quite honestly, as I’m writing this, still is. Our lacrosse family was in shock. Another devastating loss for this team.
Last night was the celebration of life for Coach. It was held in our high school stadium. Kids of all ages were playing lacrosse on the turf. Memories were shared. Tears were shed. Two words were repeated about Coach and his wife: passion and tenacity.
If you’ve experienced loss before, you know that loss/death can trigger feelings from previous losses. I’ve lost my mom, my dad and my sister.
Losing Coach made me miss my dad. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve fully processed losing my dad yet. It will be 3 years this summer, but I’ve kept it at bay. Why was Coach’s death making me miss my dad so much?
My dad was a quiet, introverted man. Soft-spoken. Actually, didn’t really speak a lot. He was a great listener. And above all else, I knew he was there if I needed him. That was the kind of guy he was. We wouldn’t talk on a regular basis, but I knew if I needed him, he’d be there.
I realized I wanted to talk to him about Coach. We don’t know why Coach died and my black and white mind is having a hard time letting that go. I know that Dad would have just listened. I don’t think he would have had any answers, or offered any inspirational quotes or sayings (quite honestly, he was better at profanity). But he would have listened and empathized. I miss having that person to go to when all else fails.
I miss you, Dad.
Rest in peace, Coach.