My mom died of pancreatic cancer in 1983.
I’ve always felt like losing my mom when I was 13 was a punishment. I didn’t understand why something like that would happen. And to be honest, at 13 years old, I didn’t know how to grieve losing my mom.
Then complicated grief arises as I experience different seasons of life without her, or milestones that make me miss her in a new way. Like when I became a mom. That made me realize how much I really missed having that relationship for myself. I didn’t fully understand how much my mom loved me until I became a mom.
With that came putting myself in mom’s shoes, and how she knew she was dying from cancer. How horrific that must have been for her. To know that she was leaving 2 teenage daughters behind. I can’t begin to understand the anguish she must have experienced. Not only did she have to contemplate her own life ending, but she also experienced anticipatory grief – thinking about the effect of her absence on her girls. That’s a heavy burden.
Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me. I am so grateful for my own family and they do an amazing job of honoring me. But I miss my mom. I have a mom-sized hole, which changes in size as life ebbs and flows, but is always there. I have prolonged grief. It will be 38 years in June. Many people don’t understand how you can still be mourning after 38 years, but I can. And I am.
I briefly mentioned 3 different types of grief in this blog. Complicated, anticipatory and prolonged. There are other types of grief as well. My point in doing this is to bring attention to the many sides of grief. There is no right way to grieve. I don’t believe you get over grief. But we can learn to live with it, and if it’s going to last forever, finding ways to share your journey and stories with others can offer support and validation to what you are feeling.
With Mother’s Day approaching, I’m pleased to share 2 ways that may help:
- A free, personalized Mother’s Day postcard. Sign up here by the end of April, and (hopefully) the card will reach you by Mother’s Day.
- Virtual Daughters Without Moms Mother’s Day Circle
Join us to spend an hour together in anticipation of Mother’s Day. We will share stories, pictures and find meaning together as Daughters Without Moms.
Each of the 4 hosts will share on their own personal aspect of being a DWOM. We will then have a short breakout session to foster a time of personal connection.
We will be sharing photos of our moms, creating a DWOM Recipe Book and a DWOM Mother’s Day playlist!
Follow this link to register. It’s free!
If you have any questions or cannot access the registration form, please email me at daughterswithoutmoms@gmail.com.
As I often say, I’m sorry that you are a part of the DWOM Club. But you are not alone.
With love, Beth